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Talk:The Lion King 1½/@comment-81.229.87.120-20130305172310
{Cut to the lookout rock, under a small tree. Uncle Max is demonstrating the duties of the sentry.} Uncle Max: {demonstrating} Scurry, sniff, flinch! Scurry, sniff, flinch! {Timon is unimpressed and rolling his eyes} Scurry, sniff, flinch! Good. Now... what do we do if we see a hyena? Timon: Scream "Mommy"? Uncle Max: That's right, mister! Because the world out there is fraught with danger. Fraught, I tell you! Timon: {aside, to the camera, over Uncle Max; sarcastically} Oh, boy. It's the Fraught Fest. Uncle Max: {furiously pantomiming} Even all bloodthirsty hyenas are waiting to rip us limb from limb! Timon: {applauding sarcastically} Bra-vo, Uncle Max. Way to sell it to the cheap seats. Uncle Max: {in his face} Applaud now, sonny boy. {quiet and severe} But try clapping when you don't have any hands! {turns and leaves} {Timon gulps, looking at his hands. Then he takes up his position on the rock.} Timon: Scurry, sniff, flinch. Scurry, sniff, flinch. {marimbas begin; Timon starts to get into it} Huh... I like the sound of that. Scurry, sniff, flinch. {He begins dancing more and more flamboyantly} Scurry, sniff, flinch. Scurry, sniff, flinch. Scurry, sniff, flinch! {"That's All I Need", the sister song to "Warthog Rhapsody", begins.} Timon: {singing} There's more to life than panic And bein' some other guy's snack—euugh. {The three hyenas pop up from behind a rock in the background, then disappear again} Timon: I may be delicious, organic But this little entree's fightin' back! I'm gonna put diggin' tunnels behind me And live at a new altitude I'm gonna reach for the stars to remind me That meerkats are not merely food! For once I'll be... {steps onto a cloud and surfs into a fantasy waterfall setting} Lookin' out for me... yeah! I'll tell you what I want This cat is movin' on He's a bon vivant Who's missin' out on bon I'd be a bigger cheese Far from the desert scene A little cooling breeze A little patch of green! And I'll be snoozin' in my hammock by a rippling stream Many miles from any tunnel and the digging team Looking after number one will be my only creed That's all I need {slurps up some bugs} That's all I need! {Dancing the "Shuffle Off to Buffalo"} I've always been good at runnin' away Well, now I'm gonna run the show-ow I've always been seen as the ultimate prey But now my status ain't so quo! {The fantasy and the music dissolve as he improvises, unaware that the three hyenas have surrounded him.} Timon: {improvising} A dream sublime... It's hyena tiiime... oh! Shenzi: {clapping} Oh, look it's dinner and a show! Banzai: And I thought beans were the only musical food. Ed: {incoherently} Ooh-oooh! Timon: frozen in fear} Hy... Hy... Hy... Shenzi: Well, hi to you too! {smacks Timon, who goes rolling down the hill} Timon: Ayy! Ohh! Ow! Okay... Uncle Max: This is no time for horseplay, Timon. You're supposed to be up there lookin' out for... {sees them approaching, snickering} Hyenas! Meerkats: {they all pop up in terror} Aaaaahhh! {The meerkat colony runs around in a mad chaotic dash for cover} Banzai: Whoa, look at 'em scramble. Shenzi: And that's just how I like 'em... {A group of meerkats, led by Uncle Max, crash in a line right into Shenzi's snout.} Meerkats: Aah! Ooh! Uhh! Shenzi: ...Scrambled. {She slurps them, lifting Uncle Max into the air} Meerkats: Uhh! Shenzi: {seeing the whole colony scrambling about} ...And a little bit runny. {The group of meerkats goes running by, followed by the laughing hyenas, passing Timon who's standing there covering his head} Meerkats: Hyenas! {A hand reaches up and grabs Timon; he strains to stay where he is, but gradually the hand manages to drag him head-first into a hole. It's Ma.} Ma: Get in here! What are you, a meshugginah? {Ed guards a hole, and snaps at a bunch of meerkats who jump into it one at a time; he misses all of them, but blocks the hole before Uncle Max can get in} Ma: Stumpy? (Here!) Flinchy? (Here!) Swifty? (Here!) Oh, what a relief. Everybody's... {gasps} Where's Uncle Max? {Uncle Max is outside, running for his life as the three hyenas pursue him} Uncle Max: Aaaaahh! {Uncle Max makes desperately for a second tunnel entrance, where a bunch of meerkats appear and gasp at the sight.} Meerkat1: Max! Run for your life! Meerkat2: Play dead! Meerkat3: Ándale! Meerkat4: Almost there! {The screen switches suddenly to the QVC shopping channel, where two women are selling a suede handbag.} Woman on TV: Suede is the look for this fall. Of course, that is what's happening up in every magazine. What I like about it, other than you've got that long strap, which can clear your coat... {Timon and Pumbaa are back in the silhouetted theater seats.} Timon: Hey, what's goin' on? Pumbaa, you're sitting on the remote. Pumbaa Huh? Oh, sorry. I thought it was a brownie. {He clicks the remote; we switch back to the scene of Uncle Max's impending demise.} Meerkat5: You've got it, Max! {Max is overtaken by the hyenas; the meerkats all shield their eyes as we hear crunching sounds. Switch to the inside of the burrow, where the meerkats stand in shock; suddenly, Max drops from the ceiling, the fur bitten off his tail.} Meerkats: Max! Is he all right? Uncle Max: I flinched when I should've scurried. {collapses} {The hyenas, guffawing, are walking off.} Banzai: Ha ha! Oh, man! It just never gets old, does it? Shenzi: Ooh, the classics never do, honey. {Camera pans down to where Timon is standing in the midst of all the angry meerkats.} Timon: I, uh... I guess I owe everyone an apology. {pause} All right, so I made a teensy mistake. Like we all haven't broken into song on sentry duty before. Ha ha ha... come on. Let me have a show of hands. {The meerkats all wander off, disgusted; Timon tries to change tactics} Okay. ...Maybe it's a little too soon, but I'm sure we're all gonna laugh about this someday. Trust me. {Uncle Max and the meerkats are all staring at him severely. Soft, emotional music plays.} Uncle Max: I did trust you. Timon: {pause} But... {The meerkats all silently file out, except for Ma. Timon sighs. Scene switch to the rock outside, where Timon is hunched; Ma emerges from the hole and approaches him.} Ma: Ohh. Aw, sweetie. Timon: I'm never gonna fit in here. Nobody even likes me. Ma: Sure they do, honey. Sure they do! Timon: Besides you, Ma. Ma: Uh, besides me? Um, there's, uh... Timon: I have to find my place; but it isn't here. Ma: Yes it is. We just haven't found it yet. But we will... {She combs his hair again} Oh, here's an idea. You can run a trail— Timon: {impatient} Stop with the hair already. My place is out there, Ma. Oh, I may not know exactly where or how far, but I gotta go! Ma: {desperate to try one last idea} No, wait, wait, wait. I know. If we just... Timon: {pointed} Ma. Ma: {pauses, then acquiesces} Well, I hope you find what you're looking for, honey. {Music turns sweet as Timon comes back to embrace her.} Ma: Ooh. Ooh, I love you. Mmm! Timon: I love you, Ma. {Ma keeps hugging him, tighter and tighter until we start to hear crunching sound effects.} Ma: Oh, Timmy. My Timmy. Mmm-mmm... Timon: {strained, muffled} Mom... choking... not breathing... Ma: Ooh. Mmm. Mmm-mmm. Timon {aside} And people wonder why I have issues. {The embrace finally ends.} Timon: {reassuring} I'll be okay! Ma: Oh, I know you will! {wistful} You will. {Ma slowly lets go of Timon's hands. Timon turns away, then begins striding purposefully away into the sunset as traveling music ("Timon's Traveling Theme") begins.} Ma: {calling after him} Be careful! Timon: I will! {Timon marches on a bit further.} Ma: Don't talk to strangers! Timon: I know, Ma! {Timon marches a bit more} Ma: Remember, wash behind your ears! {The music slows; Timon turns impatiently.} Timon: Ma, I'm not a kid any more! {He resumes marching.} Ma: Never go swimming without a buddy! Timon: Got it! Ma: {almost inaudible} Send us a message— {indistinct} Timon: {exasperated} Oy! {He turns back and shouts at the top of his lungs} What?! Ma: I said, send us a message! Timon: What?! Ma: I said, send us a— Timon: {turns back to his path, waves her off} Good-bye, Ma! {Timon sets off in earnest as African music plays triumphantly. He reaches the open grasslands.}